Being mindful

I snapped at a good friend yesterday over a problem in my computer. Usually, I would have let it go, but this friend has done it again (changed my computer setting for the second time). I guess, the reason I snapped at her was more like to let her know that I was not pleased with her for messing with my computer (which is a personalised item) and that if she had wanted to change something, please check with me first (I thought this is plain courtesy). That was also the reason why I did not apologise immediately after that. However, my mind kept thinking about the matter and I realised that I must apologise in order to be at peace with myself. "A mind that cannot release phenomena is in a state of intoxication; it is important not be intoxicated" (Ven. Ajahn Chah).

So, I pondered over how should I apologise to her and decided on sending her a text message to confess and say that I was sorry that I lost control earlier. She texted back and said that it is okay, she understood that I was not in a good mood. I would have replied: thank you for understanding, but I didn't because I was not seeking for her understanding; I was seeking to release my mind of the matter so that I can be at peace (and not be intoxicated). Now this may sound very selfish, but I think to be mindful, we must first understand what clutters our mind. The whole incident wouldn't have happened if I do not have a cluttered mind, something must have bothered me to such an extent that I snapped at her earlier. My cluttered mind has impeded my thoughtfullness. I did not wish for this state of mind to continue, lest I will be snapping at every one I meet in the next few days ~ I need to clear my mind!

Therefore, I have to watch my mind and become aware of my thoughts; "paying attention in a particular way -- on purpose, in the present moment”(Jon Kabat-Zinn). The best way I can think of to explain this is ~ knowing that you are eating is not the same as eating mindfully (a quote from the Wildmind Buddhist Meditation @
http://www.wildmind.org/applied/daily-life/what-is-mindfulness

Here I would like to share a link on a talk given by Jon Kabat-Zinn on mindfulness (please skip the silly intro part). He talks with such truthfulness and authenticness. I love listening to him talk.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3nwwKbM_vJc&feature=related