I choose to listen to my inner voice :)

fnote: taken from http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Frobinchoosehappiness.blog.com%2F%3Fp%3D12&h=jAQGkCOoH

Opening a door that I can't shut

Last year I had to make a big life decision and I had felt that I might be opening a door that I can't shut. After walking thru that door, now I realised that there are many more doors that I can open...

...especially one which I will be opening soon and I might step into a totally different territory. I am telling myself to walk thru without fear and hope that I will enjoy what lies beyond the door... :)

View from above

View from the window
that greeted me in the mornings
and calmed my soul each evening
...in the past two years... =)


Many days were spent
on doing what I loved most
and on self-reflections
... throughout these two years... :)

Don't let the spark die

"Many of us go through school, university and several years of working quite aimlessly. We may feel on occasion like something is missing – that spark, the zing of life, the song in the heart or whatever it is that makes one feel alive and raring to go. That fantastic and special activity that has some others jumping out of bed, looking forward to yet another day may not have existed. Not to say, there were no exciting days – there sure were some of those moments which we wanted to hang on to forever.

The key is to pause and notice what we are doing at that precise moment when our heart is pumping harder and happier. Is there just one specific activity that creates this feeling within us or are we fortunate enough to have different options? Once we can identify that note of music that drives us to keep dancing, then we just need to find ways to strike that note again and again. Living that way is the most authentic, fun-filled and passionate existence we can have.

To conclude this piece, I would like to share a small story. Few months back, we were in Seattle visiting with family, and I overheard a conversation between my 14 year old son, Aman, and 13 year old niece, Resham. They were having a profound discussion on what they would like to do after high school, and Aman who is a basket ball player was sharing with Resham, “I am going to the University of Kentucky – they have the best basket ball team in the world. After that I will get recruited by the Boston Celtics.” Resham asked him, “Oh! But what if you can’t get in there? What’s Plan B?” Aman responds, “The Boston Celtics are my Plan A, Plan B, Plan C and Plan D.”

When you discover your passion, then do away with every back up plan."

The above is a post from a blog that I follow (see my blog list). I totally agree that, once the spark is ligthed, don't let it die... and if you haven't noticed yours yet, keep searching and you will find it soon enough :D

Steve Jobs

Oct 5, 2011 - The man behind Apple, Steve Jobs, passed away at the age of 56. He was, to many, "a man whose brilliance, passion and energy were the source of countless innovations that enrich and improve all of our lives."

However, reading Joe Nocera's writings about him, one wonders would he have compassion for the people around him if he had gone to Japan when he wannted to then???

http://graphics8.nytimes.com/packages/pdf/opinion/Nocera_Ch2.pdf

EQ

When my daughter was 7yo, she asked me, "Mummy, why the girls (in our neighbourhood) didn't want to play with me?" (those girls were a year or two older than her) and ten years later, she asked me a similar question, "Mum, why some people don't return my smile?"

My daugther is a very friendly and helpful person; is the president of her school student body and I am glad that she is bothered with the above sentiment ~ shows that she is reflexive and will develop good EQ sense - what Daniel Goleman would termed as inter and intra-personal intelligences :)

I think that the world will be a better place if everyone practices a little EQ...
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Tibet ~ Roof top of the world

In my quest to find myself and to know more about Buddhism, last month I embarked on a 11-day trip to Tibet with a friend and other like-minded people :)

Tibet is the highest country in the world and where Mount Everest is located. Our purpose to Tibet was not to climb Everest but to visit the various Tibetan monasteries and to be blessed by the Living Buddha. We were told that there were two types of lamas in Tibet, the Dalai Lama and Penchan Lama. Apparently, the Dalai Lama lived in the front-side of Tibet and the Penchan Lama lives in the inner-side of Tibet. After the self-exile of the Dalai Lama to Dharamsala, India in the late 1950s, Penchan Lama took over. The lovely palace seen here is Potala Palace, the main residence of the Dalai Lama before his exile.

We entered Tibet via Xi Ning, China (3,000++m above sea level) and took the 24-hr scenic train ride to Lhasa (3,650m high). The scenery throughout the train ride was amazing and breathtakingly serene. I took many pictures of the snow-covered mountains, the mirror-image lakes, the clouds... :) As we reached Lhasa, the biggest worry on everyone's mind was the high altitude sickness. Although most of us were mentally prepared, some succumbed to the sickness and had to put on drip and carried the 'oxygen tank' around with them throughout the trip. There were cases where travellers were hospitalised (2 - 3 days) due to severe breathing difficulty. I am happy to say that I was all right all the way - I didn't feel any dizziness, headaches or fatique, just a little breathlessness here and there. I was really surprised because I am not a sports person and had never been very active.

The highest point we reached was the Tibet Plateau and the Karola Glacier near Kamba- la Pass(about 4,700m high). The view from there was amazing! As usual, I took lots and lots of photos! :)


The visit to the monastries were what I loved most - we visited about five of them. In most monasteries, the monks kept to themselves and we were not allowed to take their photos, except one monastery where we were allowed to with a fee. I paid the fee and took some photos of monks reciting the scriptures. Some of the monasteries were quite run-down and deserted. In Lhasa, we stayed in a hotel which is owned and operated by a company set-up by a group of monks. I guess, this is the only way they could have money to upkeep the monasteries.

Being in Tibet, the highest country in the world, and seeing the vastness of the mountainous country and the amazingly breathtaking and tranquil scenery ~ I can understand why the lamas build the monasteries there. I had enjoyed the trip very much and brought back the popular Tzi beads (aka sky beads) as souvenirs and also a potrait of Buddha painted in natural-dye. Once is not enough for me, I would love to visit Tibet again :)

The power of mind

During the times of bandits and masterless samurais, a famous Japanese tea maker was asked by his master to take a trip to the city. Being a non-warrior type, he hesitated but his master told him to just dressed like a samurai and nobody will bother him. As he was walking around the city, he came face to face with a ronin. The ronin invited him for a fight, panic stricken, he tried to buy some time and said to the ronin, "I hv a very important tea ceremony to attend now, we will meet this evening by the bridge for the duel.'" The ronin agreed and the tea maker rushed to a samurai school and asked the chief samurai, "Please show me how a samurai dies in honour."

The chief instead asked him to make him a cup of tea. Perplexed, the tea maker started the tea making process, step by step (thinking that this would be the last time he would make tea and took every step as his last) and the chief watched every step closely. When the tea was done and was presented to the chief, it was the best tea that he had ever drunk. Hence, the chief told him,"'Go for the duel, approached it just as how you would make tea." Still unsure, the tea maker made his way to the bridge and kept pondering on the chief's words and picturing the process of getting ready to fight.

So, when he faced the ronin (with the exact state of mind as when he was brewing tea), he fixed his gaze on his opponent, then unhurriedly removed his hat, robe (folded it slowly) and proceed to robe himself for battle from head to foot remaining calm and unruffled throughout. The ronin started to get anxious - the more he watched, the more disconcerted he became, because he could not guess how great his opponent's skill with weapons really was.

When the tea maker had finished preparing himself, his final action was to draw his sword and as his sword was drawn hissing from its scabbard, and brandish in mid-air... the ronin threw himself to his knees, crying: "Spare my life, I beg you! I have never seen so skilled a fighter in all my life!"

Ref: 'Confucius from the Heart' by Yu Dan.
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A missed opportunity?

Last nite, I was awaken (at abbout 2.30am) by a sudden thought: what would have happenned if I had seized the opportunity to lay out my cards in a relationship which ended a year ago?

The opportunity did arise at that time but I was filled with saddness + anger that I didn't grasp it. If I was able to control my emotions and acted 'rationally', I might still be in the relationship. But then there are other things that bugged me about the whole relationship that I didn't think it's worth staying.

I have always trusted my inner voice/feelings and think it is best to go separate ways for a while. I need to find myself again. If the relationship is meant to be, then a reconciliation might be possible.

For the time being, my life is pretty stable and smooth sailing :)

Openness...

Our days are numbered - some are destined to live only a few days or weeks, others push through the century mark. But whether we live a day or a century, a central question always remians: What is the purpose of our life? ie. what makes our life meaningful?

It seems like common sense that our purpose of existence is to seek happiness ~ but isn't a life based on seeking personal happiness by nature self-centered, even self-indulgent? Apparently not...

Research has shown that happy people exhibit a certain quality of openness, a willingness to reach out and help others. In fact, it is the unhappy people who tend to be most self-focused and are often socially withdrawn, brooding and even antagonistic. For eg., "Well, I've been stuck here waiting all this time; why shouldn't they?"

Hence, as one begin to identify the factors that lead to a happier life, one will learn how the search for happiness - offers benefits not only for oneself but the family and society at large.

My thoughts: being open is one of the many ways leading to a happier inner self - don't be afraid to be open. =)

ftnote: above are excerpts from: "The Art of Happiness" by HH Dalai Lama and Howard Cutler

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Remembering yesterday ~

Remembering yesterday ~ "...I ran so fast that time, youth at last ran out and I never stopped to think what life is all about..."

Now, as I pause and take stock of my life... there are still so many songs to be sung and many friendships to be rekindled and strengthened :)

Here's the song that brought up this nostalgic feeling...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CRaIvpMNpJw&feature=related

Connecting the dots...

In his commencement speech to the graduates of Stanford University in 2005, Steve Jobs sum up his life in three stories.

I love his second story: he talked about connecting the dots and a belief in something, ie.yr guts, destiny, karma, etc., that the dots from the past will connect to the dots in the future. An event/situation happened for a reason and the reason will be known sometime in the future.

Listen to his full speech on youtube here:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D1R-jKKp3NA

How are you, Marvin?

Hi Marvin,

Maybe what I hv written so far may not be in sync with your current train of thoughts. It may seem like I am pushing you to the direction that you cannot or won't take or that I do not understand yr situation. But, if I were to concur with what you hv written, would there then be any room for inner reflection in yr part or mine even? It is because of the differences in our opinions and situations that l believe can create more room for self reflection.

I know, I may sound like I don't understand yr current situation, but I do. Sometimes, there are too many high stakes in the current situation that a mistake can cause a lot of damages. And there is no 'window of opportunity' to get out. I was lucky that I had my window of opportunity but then it came after 10 years! My mother didn't get her window of opportunity because she lived in an era where divorce or separation is unheard of. Having said that maybe her window of opportunity was her ealry death (at the age of 38 yo), ie. releasing her from her torment and sadness.

However, I believe that even though one does not hv the window yet, one can still empower oneself by saying it out loud to someone or write in a journal. Because when you do that, you sort of share your trouble or predicament with someone and somehow it will feel much better and lighter. And the thing will be stored in your memory space and will not occupy your current state of mind (if you know what I mean...).

Anyways, I read in a psychology journal, "a sense of personal control, empowerment and self-determination are associated with positive mental health"

I hope you are getting along fine :)

Warm regards,
Alee.

A Reader, A Writer and A Converser

Always a book at the side
for a quick escapism
from the harshness of life
into the realm of imagination;

Always a pen in the fingers
to pen down sweet or funny anecdotes
that bring daily cheers
and fun into the life of others;

Always a sweet converser
ever so sensitive to another
although life is no better
in this world filled with trouble.

A reader whose mind I admire
A writer whose words I yearn
A converser whose lips I adore
A heart which I yearn to own :)
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A song a day ~

A song a day
Keeps distress at bay
Awaken what may
... to brighten up one's day

A song a day
Lovely music to the ear
When all is played
Soothed the soul of those who hear

A song a day
This I reckon
Will help me stay
... in perfect condition

A song a day...

I am a big fan of narrative works, especially reflective journals. I see song lyrics as a personal narrative where the song writer is actually retelling her story and reflecting over it when she sings it over and over again. To the listener, each has its own interpretation of the song's lyrics.

Songs have been a part of my life since I was young. My mother used to listen to songs every day and I began to appreciate songs in my early teens. I love songs that tell a story. Songs were so much a part of me that it became one of the topic for my toastmasters' speech (back in mid 90's). Lately songs played an even bigger part in my life: I would post songs (on a daily basis) on my fb wall; would dedicate songs to my fb friends; include a song or two in my training sessions and recently I even read a book which the author named it after a song.

It's amazing that there are so many song writers (English, Malay, Japanese and Chinese) who write such good song/lyrics that I could relate to. I can find a song or a part of the lyrics to relate to everything that is happening in my life; whether I am happy, sad or in need of encouragement - there are songs for every mood/occasion.

As I am writing this post, I am listening to a malay song sung by Aizat, "Lagu Kita." I have dedicated this song to my close friends and the lyrics, "arah hidup kita tergambar bintang di angkasa" - our direction in life is destined in our stars: which means that our life's destiny has been fixed the day we were born ~ such lovely lyrics... :)

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ME ~ my life is my choice

When I was thniking of a name for my blog, I had wanted to name it my life is my choice but then many bloggers have already claimed the name and similar ones. Hence, I decided to name it authentic person ~ it turned out to be true because that was the essence of the blog -- searching for the authenticness in me : what is ME all about (???)

ME as it turned out have been lugging along many baggages -- some of which I have thrown out since I started the blog and I hv added on new and more ligther ones which do not bogged or tied me down. See March 24, 2010 and Sep 6, 2010 posts.
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ME as it turned out have many dreams -- some which have been realised, some just realised and many more have yet to be realised. See March 4, 2011 post.
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ME as it turned out was soon to be embarking on a spiritual journey -- a journey that has so far bring me to meet people that could help me along the way to reach my spiritual journey's desttination (is there one?). See Sep 21, 2010 ; Nov 4, 2010(a) and Nov 4, 2010(b) posts.

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ME as it turned out have many friends - who have been so kind and supportive in helping me all this while. See May 6, 2011 post.
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ME as it turned out -- do have a wonderful and illustrative life which I will not trade with another.
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Happy ME Day! :))

Numerology: Vision and Number

"Numbers are an inspirational journey where it unlocks the door to self-awareness. They inspire one to question life’s purpose and seek the truth of self-realization. You will be amazed to know that numbers can tell a lot about almost everything that links to every human form and the environment surrounding us"

I have wondered about my affinity with number '9' since 18yo (ref. post on May 2, 2011). And last month, a friend introduced Visiber (Vision + Number) to me and through it I found out that indeed my base number is '9' and the personality trait of number 9's is very optimistic and open minded; loves to look neat and presentable at all times; very civilized, intelligent, alertness and sensitive. '9' knows when and how to attack and defend. Good at winning one's heart. Do things very fast and capable with their work but not in details. He/she doesn't take care of his subordinates. Outwardly, looks tough but soft inside. An emotional person, feeling of loneliness. Hmmm... I think the last three lines do not apply to me because I trust and respect my staff more than my clients. I am very resilient which can be translated to being tough and whenever I feel lonely or bored, I will look for a book to read/blog or call/look for my friends.

Apparently, each of us is born with a certain set of numbers. When some of the numbers are missing in our life, we are unable to reach our potential in life and may face many obstacles. Hence numerology can be used to lead us back to the right life path and live the life meant to be. Now, if you are like me: a believer in the power of the universal laws and LoA, it would be easy to believe in numerology as well. It is said that with the knowledge of your hidden field of potential and an in-depth understanding, you can gain mileage in a more profound life experience, which could be within your grasp and ultimate control. Life’s destiny is not destined without mercy nor control, but certainly within your capacity to crystallize a situation for yourself.

I am a believer and am practising it ~ hoping that it will lead me to the right path in my quest to live an authentic life :)

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How happy are you at the moment?

I was reading a book about developing happiness in daily living and found this simple scale interesting. It was devised by psychologist Edward Diener, the founding father of happiness research in the 1980s. The scale has been widely used by researchers.

Read the following five statements. Then used a 1 - 7 scale to rate your level of agreement. I found the same scale on Oprah.com, go to the link below if you wish to do it on Oprah's website.

Scale:
Not at all true (choose either 1 or 2)
Moderately true (choose 3, 4 or 5)
Absolutely ture (choose 6 or 7)


Statements:
1. in most way my life is close to my ideal ( )

2. the conditions of my life are excellent ( )

3. I am satisfied with my life ( )

4. so far, I have gotten the important things I want in life ( )

5. if I could live my life over, I would change almost nothing ( )


Scoring:
31 to 35 - you are extremely satisfied with your life
26 to 30 - very satisfied
21 to 25 - slightly sattisfied
20 - neutral point
15 to 19 - slightly dissatisfied
10 to 14 - dissatisfied
5 to 9 - extremely dissatisfied


I do not have anger in my life at the moment but a little dissatisfaction to iron out. Am working on it and hope my dissatisfaction will decrease :))

http://www.oprah.com/spirit/Satisfaction-with-Life-Scale

A friend in need

New entry, 8 May 2011:

Last month, I was asked by a friend to read: 'Secrets of the millionaire mind' by T. Harv Eker. I have not been reading any motivational book for the past 15 years - especially books on how to be rich! I don't buy the stuff they wrote and actually kept my distance from such books. However, since I am not reading any book in particular at the moment, I decided to give the book a try.

Wow, I was in for a surprise ~ he is one provocative speaker! His first chapter, 'Your Money Blueprint', had me saying to myself, "He is right, it does make sense." I was thinking of Pavlov's and Skinner's human conditioning and behavioural reinforcement theories. Most of the stuff he wrote, does indeed make sense and I am thinking of re-reading it.

Now, the reason I added this new entry here is to stress a point that Harv Eker has made, ie. "rich people are excellent receivers, poor people are poor receivers." Frankly speaking, I don't want to be rich for the sake of being rich, but I want to live a life that enable me to help people unconditionally. I can't be there if I don't have financial freedom :(

Relating to the last entry in this post, in the last paragraph, I wrote: "I am humbled to have them as my friends." Now, if I were to apply what Harv Eker said ~ I am not a good receiver. I should instead say to myself, "I am glad there are such good people around me and I need more good people." It is true that what you focus on expands, thus if I say that, I am placing focus on more good people coming to help me, hence the law of the universe will make it happen.

Reading this book got me thinking of my definition of authentic person/authentic living. If you noticed, since my first post (4 Jan 2010), I did not give a description on what I think authentic person/authentic living is all about. Honestly, I had felt that it is very individualised and subjective, ie. you live on what you think is true not based on what others think you should be like. I have given this some thought and may come up with my own definition some time soon :)
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Entry on 6 May 2011:

I am thankful to have a staff who has turned into a very good friend ~ if I were to say in so much as I need something or missed eating something - she will get it for me in a day or two or cook/buy for me; and most recently I was looking for a place to relocate my centre - she (together with her husband) went round the neighbour hood and immediately let me know where there are houses for rent, even get the hp numbers for me. The relocation had troubled me because I was only given a month to vacate due to the change of my business status.

Being my staff, one may say that she did those things to gain my favour, but truthfully speaking, she didn't even ask for any special favours and declined my offer to promote her (she doesn't fancy dealing with too many people).

I don't wish to say that I am blessed to have such good people around me, but I want to say that I admire their goodness and truly bless them and I will return their good in my own way. I am humbled to have them as my friends :))
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Number 9

Have you ever been told that you have an affinity to a certain number?

When I was 9 years old, I was told that the number 9 would be a very special number for me. At that young age, I don't know anything about numerology, did not pay any attention to it.

Then, when I was 15yo, I obtained a total aggregate of 9 for a major exam and at 17yo, an aggregate of 18 for another major exam. Looking at my results, it struck me that I do have some sort of relationship with the number 9! I do not know how the relationship works, but I have since taken number 9 as my lucky number ~ any major event in my life, after that realisation, would be planned on th 9th or 18th day of the month (the two most favourite numbers) and to a lesser degree, on the 27th. By far, 18 is my most favourite number ~ my handphone number ends with 1800 :)

When I went looking to purchase a house, I bought one next to a number 18. Most recently, I found a rented place which faces house number 18 and beside house number 9. I am now living in this rented place and is trying to understand more deeply the extend of my relationship with number 9.

Btw, as I write this post, my visitor counter stands at 1080 :))